How To Summon Ye Dæmon Aleister Crowley To Visible Appearance

From an ancient Græco-Egyptian manuscript in the Egyptian National Museum

Ye Banishing

Banish by showing a picture of Aleister Crowley to the eight directions,
saying “Get Off My Cloud” at each spacemark, and each time give the
Middle Finger Salute to the direction. Or ye may wear a Crowley Mask
during the banishing. This will scare away any non-Thelemic entities and
entice Crowley to the Circle.

Ye Place Of Working

In the middle of the circle should be a Crucifix, lots of beer (Crowley
hated beer) and a copy of an A.E. Waite book (Crowley liked Waite about
as much as beer). This will keep Crowley from invading the circle in his
true form.

Ye Preliminary Insultation

The celebrants sit in the circle and consume beer, marijuana and other
intoxicants, all the while profaning the demon Crowley, reviling him at
every turn. Every couple of minutes a different celebrant should break
into the conversation and say, “I wish Crowley was here to hear you say
that.” Getting stoned inside the circle where he can’t reach you and
insulting his Name will draw Crowley to the circle, itching to manifest
and rip you into confetti.

Ye First Insultation

The appointed Priest reads each sentence aloud, and the Celebrants repeat
it after him.
“I invocate and conjure thee, o ye blasphemous toad Aleister Crowley!
Long have ye taunted us from beyond the grave, meddling with the brains
of acid messiahs and politicians, smirking at us from behind your silly
Egyptian hat! I command you to appear before us now, if you’re the great
magician they say you are! Being armed with the power of beer and
cigarettes I command it!!!”
(pause for a minute)

“O worm-eaten necromancer, hear me. A sadistic game you have played with
your disciples long enough. You lure the curious down halls of Aleister
Crowley statues and Crowley altars at every turn, only to lead the
travellers to a mirror at the end of the path, and they realize their god
was themselves all the time. BUT BY THAT TIME THEY’VE BOUGHT ALL YOUR BOOKS. Thou art a slick advertiser selling bottled air.”
“I invoke you by your names: To Mega Therion! Perdurabo! Baphomet! The
Beast 666! Fo-Hi! Count Alexander Svareff! Chiao Khan! Alys! etc. Come
thou forthwith, without delay, from any and all parts of the world thou
mayest be, and make rational answers unto all things that we shall demand
of thee, for thou art conjured up by the name of the living and true god
Xerox!”

Ye Second Insultation

If the obstinate Beast refuses to show himself, repeat ye second
insultation:

“By the power of the slave god Jehovah, I command you to appear!”
“By twenty generations of Plymouth Brethren, I constrain you to appear!”
“By Leah Hirsig’s bedpan, I lure you to appear!”
“With seven vestal virgins, I entice you to appear!”
“With seven lines of fine Peruvian cocaine, I tempt you to appear!”
“With seven young, gay, Arabian boys I seduce you to appear!”
“By a gram of China white heroin, I dare you to appear!”
“Just to see if I have all that shit, I DEFY YOU TO APPEAR!”

Ye Grand Insultation

Another joint is passed around while the Celebrants wait for a sign of
Crowley’s appearance. His manifestation can take many forms, and each
adept should comment on anything he/she should hear or see that might be
Crowley, from insects to rocks to vegetation. While the joint is smoked,
each of these possible signs is discussed and either discarded or seized
and put in the middle of the circle. These objects touched by Crowley are
HOO-HAHs and should be kept by the celebrants as Power Objects.

If Crowley still does not appear in physical form, a final and most
powerful CRITICIZATION and INSULTATION is uttered by the Priest:

“Come on, man, this is embarassing. We do the ritual and you promise it
will work and you don’t show up. That’s just like you, you lime-sucking
baldpate of an English windbag! We come out here, dress in fine apparel
and take strange drugs and all that shit, and all we get out of it is
sitting here in fine apparel stoned on strange drugs.”

“Come on, you lecherous old fart! You can tantalize us with a little
visible appearance, can’t you? Just show us a leg and part of a helmet
like Buer showed you, huh? That is, if you got the balls. COME ON,
CROWLEY, SHOW US THAT BEAST OF A WANGER YOU BRAG ABOUT…”
As soon as this is said, Crowley will manifest on the outside of the
Circle, if not in bodily form then as a breeze or something more tenuous,
but everything that moves outside the circle has been touched by him.
Each celebrant who hasn’t found a Crowley Hoo-Hah yet should go out of
the Circle and find one. They are piled in the middle of the Circle.

These Crowley Hoo-Hahs can be used for any and all types of Thelemic
Magick. They’re almost as good as Crowley Knucklebones and Crowley Toes.

Ye Banishing

A reverse banishing should be performed. Face the inside of the circle,
point Crowley’s picture or mask to the center of the circle, and at each
of the eight points, say “Under my thumb” while you grind your thumb into
your outstretched palm.

Ye Warning

The O.D. takes no responsibility for the consequences of performing this
rite. Crowley’s manifestation is sometimes violent: once a whole group of
adepts was found buggered to death. Be forewarned.

Collegium ad Inner Sanctum
This year
Kung Fus Shun, Grand OHOOD